The sound of bombs and machine guns blared from a cassette player into our hideout which was a cardboard enclosure in the depths of the training facility. We were a group of missionaries separated from our teams and spouses. Our job was to stay alive until the rebel forces passed. Discovery might mean death. As roving "patrols" with flashlights drew near we lapsed into silence. It was only a simulation, but the fact was it was hot and we were jammed into a area to small for fourteen people.

We organized ourselves. Someone had to leave to search for water, someone was in charge of the chamber pots (imaginary, luckily).

Who was the leader? Who was the follower? Pecking orders and tensions began to emerge.

Then we were discovered and captured by a patrol. We had to make a series of quick tense decisions: 5 people would be evacuated, then it became 3. Then noone was going anywhere. Then, we had to pick 5 people to be executed.

We were supposed to be ourselves in the simulation. I was told my wife was still in the country. Should I volunteer for execution? Should I hang back and wait to see if a youger or older person would volunteer? I was one of four men in the group, perhaps now was the time to be a man. What would they say about how I behaved in the home church? Would I written up as a coward in the Evangelical Missions Quarterly? What if my wife was already gone and my sacrifice meant nothing?

Some participants broke into tears as the tension mounted. Some withdrew like stoics, letting others make decisions. Some leaders lead, some participants asserted themselves and tried to lead. Some groups led themselves by committee into chaos.

Then, when it was all over we sat in a room and looked at each other. The lessons began to sink in. We are one person normally, but under extreme pressure we all change. Different people come out. Some ladies were mad at one lady for being too bossy. Some were mad at their leader for not leading. Some singles felt belittled because they were not chosen for execution?! Some were upset that the singles had not appreciated being spared execution!

And above it all was the realization that we had just placed a value on our lives versus the Gospel. It caused us to think about being in danger. I had not thought about it in enough detail. It brought out my greatest fear - that of my wife being in danger. I was okay with being in danger. That's the guy in me. But to have her be hurt was something that causes me to lay awake at night.